don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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