Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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