Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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