so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
