some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
