apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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