i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
