I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize