Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
