Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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