if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
