Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
