So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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