I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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