I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i think my cat just said my name.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
