mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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