I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize