Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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