it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
