You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
