A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
