Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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