You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
