the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
