She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
