chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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