i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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