What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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