you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
