seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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