I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
