Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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