Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
