Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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