Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
