HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
