Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
