im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
