My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize