By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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