Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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