never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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