Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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