Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
