So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
