I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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