I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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