It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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