so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
