She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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