remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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