he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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