My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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