Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize