she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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