Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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