Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
