69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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