i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
