my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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