I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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