Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
even my farts smell like vagina
It's never too late to be topless.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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