She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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