proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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