Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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