Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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