in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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