You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
