Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
