OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
