Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
