That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Randomize
