Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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